Stemming from the origins of our species, humans have been
romancing one another throughout the centuries. From Adam and Eve’s “love at
first rib”, to Romeo and Juliet’s infamously tragic mutual infatuation with
poison, humans have found ways to transform the biological process of
procreation into the complicated science we now call relationships. How people
express and develop relationships has evolved over time. No longer do Elizabeth
Bennets pen Mr. Darcys by candlelight. Now, millions of people have access to
online dating sites with complex algorithms for matching profiles. However,
with the addition of this new method of interaction comes a very new onslaught
of social and ethical issues to consider.
Due to the global nature of the Internet, the practice of online
dating can affect people from across the world. An estimated 2 billion people
currently have access to the Internet, and 40 million people in the United
States alone have tried online dating (“More than..” and “Online dating..”).
With such an expansive reach, it is important to consider the benefits and
risks to participating in online dating. Online dating can be excellent. Just
read the testimonies advertised on every dating site’s homepage splashed onto a
background of a photo of a smiling couple. It can act as a temporary amusement
to a bored college kid, or a means to starting a lifelong marriage with a
partner. Three of the main benefits that online dating provides its’ users as
opposed to traditional dating are “access, communication, and matching” (Finkel).
Online dating provides “access” to matches outside of a users’
normal social circle. In a psychological analysis of online dating, Eli Finkel
states, “The ‘field of eligibles’ for an individual was once limited primarily
to members of that individual’s social network, the Internet now affords access
to a vastly wider network of potential partners who would have been unknown or
inaccessible in former eras” (Finkel). Whether you’re a homosexual person in a
conservative southern town, or a fresh immigrant in New York City looking for a
girl from the homeland, online dating can ease the difficulty in finding
unusual connections. Additionally, the aspect of being able to communicate
using technology can act as a safe buffer to test compatibility without having
to go on the ever-dreaded blind date. Sometimes a simple message from a man
demanding that his future companion wear dresses, birth him 9 children, and
make him sandwiches at his whimsy is a valid timesaver for an uninterested
girl. Finally, one of the most stressed bonuses of subscribing to online dating
is the matching algorithm that is used to pair up potential lovers. Finkel observes, “By referring to millions of
users, science, and math, online dating sites suggest that meeting romantic
partners online is not only different from, but also better than, searching for
partners in conventional ways” (Finkel). As a civilization that has become more
tied to technology, the idea of trusting math and science to find a mate has
become increasingly attractive. The
algorithms in Google maps seem to do a good job getting you from point A to B.
So why wouldn’t a computer do just as good a job at introducing you to your
dream companion?
While some people are willing to put their money on the benefits
of online dating, there are various negative consequences that can accompany
the positives. One of the main negative consequences that is rather concerning
is the fostering of high judgment. Too often I have been in the room with one
of my friends who utilizes the dating app “Tinder” while he swipes across girls
faces, immediately judging them on whether or not their nose looks weird or
their forehead is too big. Online dating can eliminate the personal interaction
that goes into developing chemistry with a potential partner. It can also leave
those who are not particularly attractive feeling demoralized and hopeless. Even
if they happen to have an exquisite personality, they no longer have the chance
to display anything but their physical sides.
Additionally, because the science of attraction is so complex, using
dating sites may close a person off to relationships that the matching
algorithms don’t account for even when perhaps a person may have been interested.
Besides for the long-term effects of online dating, there are also
short-term effects as well. Many naysayers of online dating voice concern over
the safety of meeting a “stranger” from an online dating site in real life. My
friend’s father had to deal with a stalker that he met on eHarmony and even had
to change his phone number and email address. People have used online dating
sites to scam lonely people into giving them money, and many people simply
utilize online dating for meaningless sexual hookups. Various things can go
wrong without the safety net of a preexisting mutual acquaintance to vouch for
a potential partner’s merit. Additionally, there is still a common view of
social embarrassment over online dating. I personally have a friend who is
dating someone she met online. She
noted, “I do feel awkward about meeting online. Because as common as it has
become, I still feel like people judge me when I tell them”(SITE?). In the
digital age we currently live in, why is it that people who have used online
dating services still get judged? Perhaps it is because we associate online
dating with an inability to interact well in the real world; however, it is
interesting to note that people who text, snapchat, tweet, and use instagram as
their primary methods of communication do not receive the same negative stigma
as those who participate in online dating.
Overall, it is difficult to properly assess the benefits and
drawbacks of online dating. Online dating is a relatively new social
experiment, and its long-term effects remain to be seen. Online dating can provide many benefits to
users who are serious about finding potential companions; however, the benefits
are accompanied by risks such as stalking and social judgment. Before I wrote
this paper, I decided to publish a post on Facebook asking for peoples’
personal experiences with online dating. The realization I found most surprising
about this exercise was the shear number of people that I know have utilized
the services. Even more surprising, was everyone’s acknowledgement of the
social stigma behind social dating, which seems contradictory to its
popularity. While online dating
currently remains everyone’s “dirty little secret”, its prevalence continues to
grow and will continue to influence the relationships of tomorrow.
